shadymonkichi

David Carradine hanged himself. Sad.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31103217/

I'm in DC until mid/late July for a hearing. It's been pretty crazy, but I think I've gotten used to the hours. The plus side is all that time I spent waiting for a case, and not billing hours - is getting made up right now.

I think I'm averaging billing 14 hrs right now, and unfortunately, that's seven days a week, not five.

Anyways, I've been doing a lot of work on my laptop, and almost everyone has a set of headphones, and they listen to music while they work. I was using live365.com for internet radio, but I wanted to make a playlist. Unfortunately, I'm too cheap for something like iTunes, and can't download illegal stuff since I'm working FOR A LAW FIRM.

So, instead, I came up with the bright idea to make a playlist on YouTube... of the GREATEST POWER BALLADS EVAARRRR!

Here's my list:
Def Leppard - Love Bites
Motley Crue - Home Sweet Home
GNR - Sweet Child O Mine
Warrant - Heaven
Journey - Separate Ways
Heart - Alone
Cinderella - Don't Know What You Got (Til It's Gone)
Poison - Every Rose Has It's Thorn
Bon Jovi - Wanted Dead Or Alive
Bon Jovi - Living On A Prayer
Steve Perry - Oh Sherrie
Scorpions - Still Loving You
GNR - Patience
Dokken - Alone Again
Bonnie Tyler - Total Eclipse Of The Heart
GNR - November Rain

I REALLY love the songs in bold. Haha.

i have joined le twitter.

i will no doubt be updating it much more than lj, so plz see www.twitter.com/calvinyucheng

byeee

http://www.vimeo.com/993998

i dont even want to think about how long this took.

My bracket got busted this wkend. I had Duke beating Georgetown in the end. Ouch. >_

Well, that was shitty. I got to sit in a suite for the streak-ending game, and that was really cool. Unlimited food and drink is always a plus.

Unfortunately, boston simply destroyed houston to end the streak. It was a sad way to go. I thought we'd at least put up a fight.

Still, I was proud to have stayed the entire game, and give them the "standing O" they deserved. You could see all the diehard fans in the Toyota Center right at that point. The stadium was less than half full by the end of the game.

And let me put this down now, because apparently a bandwagon is starting. Chris Paul deserves to be MVP. I doubt he'll get it, because he plays for a small-market team, and doesn't have the name recognition. I'm not going to make the case, because I don't think I have to. All you have to do is think about which player does the most for his team; which team, without that player, would be that much worse; and which team has improved or become relevant this year simply because of this player's actions, and I think its clear.

---

Btw, fuck UNC. They won't win this year. And I still can't believe anyone can actually use the words unbeatable or invincible. The fact that they're not undefeated already shows you that they can be beat. And if you use the Ty Lawson excuse, then I point to the ACC Tourney Semifinal game... this team beat an unranked VaTech at the buzzer. What a crock of shit.

may this bring you 1 minute 10 seconds of joy, as it did me.

Confessions of a BART Fartist - m4w

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Date: 2007-12-27, 4:55PM PST


If V is for Vendetta, F is for Fartist. The first part of the word is “fart” for the act of firing bacteria created air and poo particles at an incredible speed. Everyone one does it, and it has been proven that farts bring joy, yet they are taboo in public. The second part of the word is “artist” because that is what I am. Much like Picasso wielded a paint and easel, I have the ability to practically fart on command and have perfected the ventriloquist and ricochet methods which allow me to strike with devastating accuracy from cover much like a highly trained sniper.

My main hunting grounds are the mean streets of BART, which I am forced to endure twice a day for half an hour at a time. Many people from other places tell me that BART is great or some similar shit, but anyone who rides it daily like me knows that it sucks. To pay $10 a day for the right to park and ride to and from work is excruciating, especially on the way home when I think about paying to stand on a packed train with a bunch of self absorbed aholes. But I must give BART some credit, for they launched my career as the most lethal vigilante in history.

Here is a list of some of the victims and the methods with which they were punished:

Mr. Read the newspaper to his wife on speaker phone guy: You are on the top of the list for one reason and one reason only; you are without a doubt the biggest asshole in history. Who sits there and yells on speaker phone and reads stories about an axe murderer to his wife during rush hour (in the elderly and handicapped seat no less)? You do. I fought for almost two minutes, desperately pumping the volume up button on my iPod trying to block out your transgressions. My career as a fartist started then, my ignorant self absorbed friend, and you were treated to turkey chili con queso. Oooooh it was hot and wet when I crop dusted you, how did it smell? Call your wife and tell her about it.

Ms. Lower her shoulder and cram her way on to a way too packed train lady: I could not believe you were actually going to try to cram your way on to our way too packed train, but you sealed the deal when you lowered your shoulder and repeatedly rammed your way into the crowded mass of frustrated passengers. It took me a stop or two, but slowly I was able to back my tight buttocks right up to within 2 feet of your short ugly face. I used the silencer once again but you bathed in it. When you cried, “Oh god, who farted?” I was crying I was laughing so hard.

Two teenage girls talking about sex and two teenage guys talking about taking drugs and driving: You have no idea how stupid you sound talking about subjects like that on a silent BART train during the afternoon commute. I saw one lady actually get up and move away because your conversation was so inane and ignorant. Bonus points for the one girl saying she prefers wine and salmon to a beer and burger now, I can’t tell you how impressed we all were with you. The woman behind you who rolled her eyes and slumped in her seat wanted more of your tips on living the high life for sure. And guys, I’m not sure what drug exactly you were talking about taking and then driving on the freeway but I just hope you don’t take anyone with you when you earn your Darwin Awards. I approached smiling, appearing to be heading for the exit, utterly forgettable in my everyday Dockers with polar fleece pullover. You were all sitting together in the “quad” chairs that face each other and no one else was around you for obvious reasons. The ambient noise from the tunnel meant I was able to really make you shiver when I delivered, I am actually shocked that a burnt hole wasn’t left in the back of my pants. It was one of my fall specials, a preseason pumpkin fart that smells for five minutes. By the time you realized what was happening I was doubled over laughing on the escalator in the station, I hope my gas taught you something valuable. Silence is golden.

Next time, more victims and a discussion over which came first – the need to fart or the elevator.

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soldier on, unsung hero

http://www.pennyarcademerch.com/pat070451.html

looks pretty damn good.

And for those of you that recognize the song, it's nice to see they have a sense of humor about the movie.



Happy bdays, bakasan and michelin.

Cinque Terra (the 5 villages) in Italy was amazing. It's 5 small towns that have become open to tourism. We stayed in a pretty homey hostel that had some pretty cool people. Marie and I ended going to a bar one night and talking to a couple Irish guys, a couple Scottish guys, a couple American girls, and a gay American guy.

Venice is ridiculous. It's always been a dream of mine to go to Venice, and it has not disappointed. There really are no streets that cars or Vespas drive on. All the streets are water, and the walkways are all alleys and bridges, and plazas. The churches are immense.

Random observations:

Marie says I have some sort of man-crush on Irish guys. She thinks this is derived from Brendan - since she says I love him so much. I don't think that's true, but, whatever the case, all the Irish guys I've met so far are awesome. The 2 Scottish guys were pretty cool, too. The Irish guys were stereotypes. First, they were named Patty and Connor. Patty was a small, quick guy that talked a mile a minute, and Connor was a taller, pale guy with curly hair. We immediately got along when (Aron should appreciate this) they asked me if I had watched Anchorman. Quotes started flying around the table. It was pretty funny. You haven't really experienced the depth of Anchorman until you hear "It's a hot day; Milk was a baaaaaad choice," in a thick Irish brogue.

The pigeons here are a plague. They bear down at a clip of about 50 mph, and like to fly at about 6 feet above ground. While this isn't a problem for the usual European, I'm constantly having to dodge incoming pigeons and pick feathers out of my hair. One has shit on Marie's arm.

They have no squirrels here. I wonder when they come to visit, if they're amazed by squirrels.

Some tourists like to take bread crumbs near St. Marco's Basilica and let pigeons climb onto their arms and feed them. It's disgusting. Avian bird flu is out, you fuck. Stop letting your kid feed the pigeon, then stick his infected arm in his mouth.

The food in Italy is going to completely ruin American Italian food for me. After this, I'm going to turn into a complete snob. So next time we're eating Italian for dinner, and you turn to me and say, "isn't this soooo good?" I'm going to have to be that guy, and say "well, in Italy, .. blahblahblah."

Marie is scared to drink the local water anywhere. I've drank some water from every country, including the fountains here in Venice. I've also taken a dump in every country we've visited. Thought you'd like to know.

Time's up. I only paid for half an hour at the internet cafe, sorry. Hopefully there's free internet in Florence.

Our trip thru Europe only stops thru Spain and Italy, and one town in France. So no Germany - sorry Will. Basically, we started in Madrid, and hit Barcelona, Nice (France), Cinque Terra, Venice, Florence, and Rome.

Random observations (these are getting harder now that I can´t really comment on the randomness of Europe as a whole, since we´ve been here for a week now):

They really REALLY like American music. And not just regular American music, like club/house American music. You´d think that since lots of the house guys are from Europe, you´d hear a lot of home-grown stuff. But with about 2 exceptions, everything is in English. Right now, all I hear is "I need a miracle..."

A trip to a typical European (topless) beach is not as much of a thrill as you may think. Less young girls without tops on and many many MANY more old fat women with floppy boobies with no tops and big hairy sweaty men with banana hammocks. It´s kind of like the 3rd circle of hell with really nice weather.

The keyboards here are annoying. Each one has one notable problem with it. For example, this one has a sticky space bar. If I didn´t periodically unstick it, my entry would look like this.

The food that they´re most proud of here is something called pa amb tomate... which literally translates into bread and tomato. Basically, it´s little slices of a french bread baguette, rubbed with a lemon, a tomato, with a dash of salt and liberal amounts of olive oil. It sounds good, and IS good, it´s just... that´s what they´re proud of? As an Swedish guy I met explained to me, he could stick a baguette of french bread up his ass, and sit in a pile of tomato and olive oil and make the same thing.

Another thing with the keyboard, it has some weird keys. Half the time I´ll type a sentence, and it ends up looking like "itñs great hearing from you, but i donñt have much time to talk right nowç sorry2¨."

The beer here (in Spain) is either San Miguel or Estrella. It´s not bad at all.

I still haven´t met any pickpockets.

Getting a ticket at the Barcelona Sants train station is a shitfest. We pulled a number to wait in line, and it was 149. The current number being served was 430. I almost shit my pants. Luckily, another American heard me bitching about the ineptitude of European ANYTHING, and gave me an extra number he had. Thanks Scott from NY, currently stationed in the Air Force in Brussels! Btw, I mentioned you were in Germany, Will.

I always forget how crazy driving gets in foreign countries. It´s just like Taiwan. We were on a tour bus, which consistently threaded the needle between 2 cars I could swear a mini-cooper couldnt get thru. Since it was double decker, Sometimes I´d reach down and knock on neighboring buses.

I just noticed the "delete" key is labeled "supr". wtf.

Apparently Europeans aren´t big fans of personal space. I don´t know how many times I was just standing there, and someone would get within 1 foot of me, and just stop, and start doing something, like looking at a map or checking the time, or urinating on my shoes. It´s weird. And it´s not like it´s crowded. Last time, we were the only 2 people in a 10 foot radius. It was just uncomfortable.

The small alleys here have no lights. By no lights, I mean NO LIGHTS. It´s pitch-fucking-black. It´s like a picture of a polar bear blinking in a snowstorm, except the exact opposite.

Catalan is not the same as the regular Spanish we´re used to speaking in the US, Mexico, or even Madrid. In Barcelona, apparently street or calle, is carrer. y is amb. And tortilla is egg. Don´t ask me.

Guys like to wear really tight shirts. No matter how much they shouldn´t.

There are lots of old people here.

The most popular dog is the cairn terrier - which looks a lot like Toto, from the wizard of Oz. At last count, I´ve seen 30824297529382938 of them.

Our hostel has a beer tap on the first floor. It works on the honor system. 1 Euro a glass. So far, I pay 1 Euro, and drink all I can drink for the night. Sorry, they overcharged us.

That´s it. This space bar is pissing me off too much.

Marie has a sensitive stomach, so we had to stay in yesterday to make sure she got better. She got better later, so we checked out a flamenco show at 10:30p. The couple that danced are pretty ridiculous. Between the band and the dancers, it was nothing like I´d ever seen. The drummer (whose drum was basically a big box) was amazingly quick, and the singers had crazy echoing voices. The dancers´ feet moved faster than most of the high school football stars I´ve seen doing drills. It was pretty intense. I´ve decided if I decide to play the guitar again, I want to learn to play flamenco style. While Clapton and the others are great, I´ve never seen someone faster and more dextrous with their fingers than the flamenco players.

More random facts about Madrid:

Apparently, all the convenience stores are owned by Chinese women. This is not an exaggeration. Not only have I been able to converse with them better than Marie has (b/c I know their native language of Chinese, whereas Marie only knows their learned language of Spanish), they're more willing to give me better rates, since, again, I´m Chinese. I´m the only one with the ability to get liter bottles of water for 1 euro.

Our hostel is located in Madrid's version of Chinatown. There's lots of import shops where they sell cheap Chinese products and knockoffs, and they're all run by Chinese people. It's surreal, and at the same time, completed unsurprising. If there's a market for pirated goods anywhere in the world, trust me, the Chinese will be there.

Madrid is not in northern Spain. In northern Spain, they have siestas where they stop working to take a nap at 3pm until 7pm. In Madrid, they don't take naps. Instead, they break to eat and drink with their friends, chill and laidback until 7pm. It sounds great, except I can't find a fucking bottle of water or empanada or any other snack between 3pm and 7pm because all these Spanish motherfuckers are sitting in bars and local restaurants eating and drinking.

I met a guy from Sweden yesterday. He says that every country has a different perception of them when they find out their from Sweden. Everyone in Spain tells him they love IKEA, and ask if he´s related to the founder. Everyone in England tells him they love ABBA. I asked him about the Swedish bikini team, and he says that´s what everyone in the US mentions.

I met a girl from UF last night, and she talked shit about UT sports. She was drunk. When she left to use the restroom, all the Europeans looked at me, and shrugged, and said she was a typical spoiled American bitch. I had no comeback.

I hung out with 2 Irish guys the last 2 nights. Not only did I match them drink for drink, they gained a healthy respect for Chinese-American drinking power. Sadly, I couldn´t break the news to them that most Chinese-Americans are lackluster to barely adequate drinkers. We talked late into the night about such subjects as Bush´s politics, American viewpoints of Europe, the IRA, and anal sex. It was enlightening, and disturbing.

I met an English guy from Nottingham. Apparently, it´s ghetto enough, that the English nicknamed it Shottingham. I made Robinhood and Littlejohn jokes galore, and he had heard every one.

People here do not like to smile back. Marie thinks they think you´re up to something if you smile at them.

I have not met a pickpocket yet.

The reason Mexican guys catcall and are ridiculously aggressive toward the fairer sex comes from their Spanish genes.

I have seen 3 McDonalds, 3 Burger Kings, and 7 Starbucks.

They have beer vending machines.

I went to the equivalent of a Subway (Pan & Co), and they have beer as a side bevarage with their combo.

I´ve eaten paella mixta 3 times.

We visited Reina Sofia today. It houses a large collection of modern art - most notably including Dali and Picasso art. It has made clear to me that abstract artists base their paintings on drug-induced delusions.

I ordered a pitcher of Sangria tonight. It had 6 1/2 glasses of Sangria. It was delicious. But after drinking it, I wanted to throw up. Not because of the amount of alcohol, but because the total amount of liquid.

All the guys here are metrosexual and rail-thin. All the Americans are huge here. One of them said I was the biggest guy in the bar, and I laughed, because I thought he was joking. Then I looked around. Sadly, he was correct.

I am in Madrid, Spain.

Random observances:

Apparently, it is not only ok, but actually cool, for guys to wear capris here.

The airport and subway are ridiculously clean and modern. They look like they were designed by artists and modern architects. The city is old and quaint. It´s a weird dichotomy, but I like it.

We´re staying in a hostel. The room has 8 beds. So far, I haven´t seen any other guys in the room. That´s weird.

We talked to one of the girls. She´s from Italy, and says she´s wanted to visit Texas. Marie and I looked at each other, and said, "why?"

The paella I ate was pretty atrocious. The seafood was very fishy and not fresh. The sangria tastes watered down, and has an odd aftertaste. I can´t figure out if we're eating touristy-nonauthentic food, or this is the real Spanish food, and it just sucks.

We saw the chump-matador poster today. Only a few people will know what I´m talking about. Maybe I´ll get my name on the flamenco dancer poster (it´s a girl).

'When news of the scandal broke on Friday, every diehard NBA fan had the same reaction. They weren't thinking, "I can't believe it!" or "Oh my God, how could this happen?" They were thinking, "Which one was it?"'

The Rockets need to get rid of a PG.

The Heat need a PG.

The rumor is possible trade talk - maybe Rafer for Udonis Haslem. That'd be sweet.

The Rockets went from last year, having virtually no bench, to this year being ridiculously deep.
Rockets sign Stevie Franchise
That's right, he's back. I can't even start talking about this roster, b/c I don't know where to begin.
We retained the best center in the league, retained one of the best 2-3's in the game, retained one of the best glue guys w/ great defense and contributor when necessary (and, need i mention, went to my alma mater and recognized me on sight :P) in Shane Battier, improved the point guard position by adding a first round draft pick who should provide some good backup initially (and got voted top rookie in the Summer League, not that that really means anything) in Aaron Brooks, picked up the "best player in Europe" in Scola - skyrocketing our power forward position from zero to i-dont-know-what (and at the same time picking up another backup center), picked up another ex-Rocket in Mike James - giving us better shooting, solidified the 1-2 position with Stevie Franchise, got an offensive-minded coach, and have got Bonzi Wells playing, who was having a standout season before he no-showed last year.

Rockets fever. Feel it. FEEL IT!

I'm buying Scola jerseys for all my San Antonio fans out there.

PS In case you were wondering, a marriage is automatically void in the case of bigamy or if there's consanguinty - you marry your father, mother, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, anyone that is an ascendant or descendant. The law prohibits marriage to a first cousin or stepchildren, but it won't actually void the marriage. If a party is under the age of 18 (w/o parental consent or court approval), you can annul the marriage, but it doesn't void the marriage.
Bottom-line: Go ahead and marry that 13-yr old cousin you've been eyeing... your marriage won't be voided!

I haven't posted on the Rockets for awhile, but Scola's signing deserved a blurb.

When they announced Rick Adelman as coach, I wasn't too happy. First, I thought Van Gundy did a great job. After all, we finally became a defensively strong team. Second, Adelman's a run-and-gun style coach, which doesn't really make sense when we happen to have the biggest (read: slowest) center in the league. Yao's not really the slowest center in the league, but he's not a quick guy - he's not supposed to be. So I don't really understand how Yao's going to fit into the scheme. Basically, I hope he's running like 2 hrs a day. Third, if a team's going to run fast, it better have a great ballhandler. The Rockets have a few great things, but none of them is a ballhandler. Rafer is way too inconsistent.

But I love how the roster has turned out. Bonzi's going to play because he loves Adelman. Aaron Brooks is coming on strong in the summer league (http://www.nba.com/rookies/notebook_070713.html), which, when you think about it, doesn't mean anything. But both players give us quickness and explosiveness. Finally, we signed Scola (http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/sports/lopez/4976793.html), highly touted as the best player in Europe. The size and offensive power should take a lot of pressure off Yao. Honestly, running a team like that, I don't think teams can afford to have a constant double-team.

So I'm freaking excited about this team. It looks like the best we've had in years. Or at the very least, they'll be awesome to watch. I can't wait to go buy a bigscreen and watch them on HD, hahaha.

Easy Prediction: at least 2nd round
Prediction: West conf finals... I'm not really willing to go beyond that.

Oh yeah, and we traded away Juwan Howard for Mike James. Jeez that makes me happy. We recouped our idiotic mistake of trading away Mike James originally for Rafer. Plus, Juwan Howard was deadwood. I mean, I was a huge fan of the Fab Five. But come one, that guy was useless.

I found a cool article from Hollinger regarding the moves we made. Actually, he was grading teams for offseason moves, which doesn't really make much sense, since free agency isn't over, but still, he pretty much sums everything up:

"1. Houston Rockets
(added Mike James, Luis Scola, Jackie Butler and Aaron Brooks; lost Juwan Howard and Vassilis Spanoulis; replaced Jeff Van Gundy with Rick Adelman)

While you're focusing on the San Antonio-Dallas-Phoenix triumvirate in the West, don't sleep on Houston. The Rockets have quietly put together a roster that very well could be the last team standing in the Western Conference in 2008.

Start with the decision to replace Van Gundy with Adelman -- a change in direction that will likely make the team more up-tempo and offensive-minded. They'll miss Van Gundy's defensive genius, but given the offensive stagnation this club showed in 2006-07, it's not a bad trade.

Moreover, hiring Adelman was especially important in this case because it basically adds another player to the roster. Bonzi Wells bristled under Van Gundy after showing up out of shape, and hardly played last season. But he seems excited by being reunited with Adelman, who coached him to a strong campaign in Sacramento two years ago.

From there, add in two vastly underrated trades. The first one pilfered James from Minnesota for Howard, giving the Rockets a do-over on the disastrous James-for-Rafer Alston trade two years ago. The second nabbed Scola and Butler from San Antonio in return for Spanoulis.

Scola, a skilled Argentinian who has been one of the best players in Europe for the past half-decade, will make an immediate impact as a starting power forward. Butler, as a young center with strong scoring skills in the post, should energize a second unit that was bereft of offense last season.

In the big picture, the Rockets aggressively addressed their three main problems: stagant offense, point guard and power forward. Between the coaching change, the additions of James and first-round pick Aaron Brooks at the point, the pickups of Scola and Butler up front, and the de facto addition of Wells, this team suddenly looks loaded. At this point in the offseason, nobody has upgraded more than this club."